das ende

2 months later, it may be time for this blog to end. i shut the door as this moment of my life passes by and open other doors to other moments. maybe i'll come back someday. maybe not. either way, it will be a new person walking through those doors.

Riveting

So how did you spend your weekend?

Friday: I spent 40 dollars on underwear and 5 dollars on a beverage warmer/usb hub.
Saturday and Sunday: I got paid to watch television for 12 hours each day.

All in all, pretty successful I'd say.

Really though, it's been good. I've been refocusing efforts on my spiritual life, spending 2 hours on Sat and Sun in a nature park meditating and reading. It's been very fulfilling.

I'm going to try something new this week. I'm taking myself offline at home. It's been a very long time since I tried to live without constant internet connection, and I think it would be a very good thing for me. I'll still check my email at the library and such. I just want to break my dependence on the net. I'm interested to see how it goes.

I hope I'll learn something about willpower while I'm at it.

I'm very proud of myself

I just got this email from my boss at PBS. He sent it around to the other Board Op's and other various people in charge.

I ALREADY want to clone Phil!! He’s a truly nice guy and obviously very capable... We had some weather issues yesterday (his 3rd shift alone) and he handled the EAS like he knew what he was doing (he did) and we experienced rain fade which ruined a recording and took him off air (he was airing net). I just happened into the area as the Technical Difficulties went up and he was glad to see me. He sorta knew what was going on but didn’t know how long it would last. We had a discussion about different scenarios that he stored away and by then, the nets were coming back. He also missed the early Barney recording due to weather (he got sidetracked by the EAS stuff) but had the forethought to check the PLT and found the later feed which he caught. That’s rare for a student; especially one with his lack of experience. I sure hope he stays around a while. Kudos to Casey, Matt S. and Matt Z. for doing a great job training him. I know it helps when you have someone exceptional to train but I’m very happy with the situation! I hope Dillon is half as good...if so, we’ll be in really good shape!



M-

Lord Vader...

is a personal friend of mine.




Here he is playfully force choking me to death. He's such a pal.

Bob Ross is a god among men

Tonight is my first night alone working at PBS.

Oh yeah, I'm working at PBS. Weekends from noon to midnight. My job basically involves me airing shows and breaks, and making recordings. I like it a lot.

So...Tonight is my first night alone working at PBS.

I'm honestly not terribly nervous about it. I've been here an hour now, and everything is running pretty smoothly.

I got to watch Joy of Painting with the afore mentioned Bob Ross. I haven't seen that show since I was a little kid. I loved it then and I love it now. He's just such a good personality. Even more interesting is that I learned that he filmed all of his shows after the first season here in Muncie. In fact, my boss Jerry Hunt was an engineer on the show. It was neat to see his name in the credits.

Unfortunately, now I have to watch an hour of country music videos.

I've got the sound turned down...

So far, so good.

Aggression

Aggression is a strange thing. It often manifests itself without the subject immediately realizing. It is often extremely difficult to recognize. It is often more difficult to acknowledge it's presence in oneself.

I shared a story with Casey, a full timer at PBS that sums up how I can lose control without any provocation. It all happened at my university a few years ago. Imagine a cold winter day. The kind of day where there is no snow on the ground and, in a strange way, because of the lack of snow it seems colder. Class had just ended and I was walking to work with a few friends.

We pass this girl on the sidewalk. She payed us no mind, as she had no reason to notice us above the crowd of students filling the walk. As she nears, I am filled with this inexplicable rage. She is wearing a short skirt (I mean short short) and a pair of Ug boots.

I completely lose control and begin shouting about how much of an idiot she is for not dressing properly for cold weather and how stupid she looks wearing those clothes.

It was an unprovoked outburst. It was totally unnecessary. The sad thing is that my friends thought it rather amusing and agreed with me wholeheartedly, thus reinforcing that kind of behavior.

I retold the story to Casey who did not react the same way. I'm glad he didn't. He seemed kind of shocked, and I could tell that he thought what I had done was completely unacceptable. It gave me pause to really step back and think about that story. About how I shouldn't think back on it fondly. It was an unprovoked verbal attack, and I embarrassed that poor girl in front of everybody.

To this day, I am still a very verbally aggressive person, sarcasm being my greatest weapon. On my way home this evening, while waiting for the bus, I made a sarcastic comment to some stranger on the street who was annoying me. There was no reason for it and it didn't change anyone's behavior.

It's an impulsivity that I need to bring under control if I am to grow into a more healthy human being.

Tomorrow I've decided to get up and go to a wooded area on BSU's campus and meditate for a while. Something to ground me, but ground me with the world, not with my apartment.



On another note, I'm an uncle for the second time over today. My sister in law gave birth to her son Gabe today. I'm excited for everyone and I'm joyful that I may get to have a part in this child's life. It's hard for me as well, as I'm not sure how much a part of that family I am right now, nor do I know if I will be at all in the future. But, as I can only know what I can know, I'm an uncle for now, and I need to work on being a good one. Men today need positive role models.


Children too...

The East

The Amish have made store bought strawberries an affront to society. My parents just wrapped up a tour of eastern Ohio. You know, where all of the Amish live. Where they grow their own food and build everything they use. They're some of the most hardcore people in this country. More badass than Hell's Angels.

So with all those years of practice, they obviously know what they're doing when it comes to growing food. Mom and dad shared with me the strawberries they had brought back. They were so sweet it was like eating candy. Their colour was a deep rich red, and the texture just right. Unbelievable.

Well, I got home from my trip today and decided to eat some of the strawberries I had in my 'fridge. I think the only word that can describe them would be "leathery."

Leathery strawberries.

What the hell.

I can't do the supermarket anymore.


And oh yeah, their cheese is the same way. Liquid awesome.

Can You Hear Me Now?

So I was reminiscing today about the Verizon spokes guy, don't ask me why, I just was, when I had a startling realization. His character, whom I've always referred to as EmoGuy has become a complete sellout.

Remember when he first showed up? We would see him walking the streets stopping every 5 to 10 feet tenaciously asking the mystery person on the other end of the phone if they could still hear him. He was everywhere! He was unstoppable! He was, literally, one man on a mission to make sure that someone could always converse with him.

But what has he become? He is no longer a solitary figure, marching through the (urban) jungle focused on his mission. Now he's followed by an enormous group of lackeys and yes men who do all of his work for him. He's no longer constantly checking for good reception. He is essentially asked by a 2nd party if said group will have cell phone coverage, to which he often confers with his horde before answering in the positive.

Where is my solitary Hero? Where is my heroic Knight?

Buried, under huge piles of cash. My only reassuring thought is that he probably gets shitty reception down there.

Always problems

So, I finally get another job offer. An offer which,combined with my other jobs would put me comfortably in the 30-40 hour a week range. This is what I've been trying for since I started looking for work at Ball State.

Guess what?

The university imposes limits on how much a student can work over fall and spring semester. So this leaves me with a few choices. I can can the TV station job, which has the worst and least amount of hours, but could most directly benefit me in the future. I can reject the job I recieved today with the most and best hours but probably won't do much for me down the road.

Right now I've chosesn to try to get the school to make an exception, but I have a feeling that won't happen. Plus I don't know how long that could take.

It's ridiculous. Miami let student work as much as they wanted. We had a guy in the dining halls who was working over 40 hours.

For once I just want something good to happen and not have to deal with any after effects or pull any strings to see the benefits.

I don't know how people make it in this world.

Lift your eyes

The closest I can get to my wife is a picture on the internet. She's beautiful.

I've been wrestling with positivity and productivity, namely trying to convince myself that I can be either one of those concepts. I have things I think I can be proud of. I got a job working for the public television station here. It's the graveyard shift, but I'm really excited about being involved with public tv.

I've succeeded in my goal of running every other day, though I managed to injure my leg this evening which is awesome.

I'm still pursuing Buddhism.

I've toned down the video games, though not as much as I really want to.

I've been in touch with Greg more and subsequently feel a real connection despite the distance between us.

I'm still alive, a feat I'm not sure how I'm pulling off.

These are the things I have to start to focus on. Living in utter despair is not going to end well for me.

Dripping

I saw a beautiful "Blood Moon" tonight on my run. It was definitely the reddest moon I'd seen in a long while.

Turns out today is also the summer solstice.

The personal symbolism counter has been through the roof today. Sometimes I think it's keeping me alive.

In the corner; Staring

Something I learned recently is that it's ok to be bored. In fact, it probably forces more character growth to be bored and accept it than to try and scratch our way out of such a loathsome emotion. The acceptance is something I've been struggling with recently. Our western values allow no room for boredom which is unfortunate. Boredom can open the door for important introspection, but since we're taught to be happy and entertained at all times, we end up drowning ourselves in thoughtlessness.

Striking the balance is what I'm trying to figure out how to do right now. I love to be entertained. The problem is that I like it so much I shut myself down in order to consume it. Finding that line is my current goal. That and maintaining a modicum of willpower over my own impulses and desires so that when I do establish a line in the sand I'm not crossing it immediately.

It's fucking hard.

Three Time Round

Today is my aniversary. I'm not really sure how to feel today. I am, of course, very sad that the landmark will be denoted by separation, not sure if there will be a 4th year.

Odd that I'm now listening to Space Divider by Neuroactive on Pandora Radio right now. Seems oddly fitting.

How do I acknowledge the day? The evening will be spent mostly conversing with close friends on the phone. Reading more of Faulkner, maybe watching a movie. I went for a long walk earlier which was nice. I always feel better when I get out of this room. I don't want to feel like I'm wasting away in here.

I think the most important thing for me right now is to take all of these experiences and try to learn from them. To fill up my void with something besides entertainment. To not dull my thoughts with distractions.

I guess there's not much else to say. I know this sounds a bit rambly, but I just don't know what to focus on and I don't feel like typing much else.

Photo Negative

I am no longer what I am. I am what I am not. I am my own absence.

I am Darl.

I just witnessed one of the most magnificent sights in nature I've ever seen.

I had a camera.

And right after my meditation group.

Energy

What an interesting day this has been. The sun routinely wakes me at around 6:30 or 7 every day. I'm not really used to waking up that early in the morning, but I'm getting used to it. This morning was different though. I had my usual wind up time; about an hour spent waking up at the computer. I had a lot of energy, which was odd for me, especially at that hour. I decided that I didn't want to spend the day wasting away at the computer before or after

So I went for a run. Now, I've been running on and off for a while now. It's a good activity for me to do, but I've always done it at night when it was cool. Also, I think it was so no one would see me. I don't actually have any exercise clothes, so I go out in a white t-shirt and a pair of pajama pants with snowflakes all over them. It looks a bit silly. I don't really care if people see me in them, but something deep inside me does.

Anyway, it was a really encouraging way start off my day. Church was awesome. The message was good, all about predetermination vs. choice. The pastor isn't the most amazing public speaker, but he has a good thing to say so it's not so bad. Afterwards, I decided to stay for coffee so I could hopefully chat with someone and get some social interaction. I ended up speaking with Gary, a man from my Buddhist group I had met the week before. Gary introduced me to his partner Jessie. I have to say that it was awesome to have someone trust me enough to openly be homosexual. I know that sounds silly, but you probably don't know Muncie. It is a sad, sad town.

Anyway, I was open and honest with them as we chatted about our lives. It felt good to confide in others and have them reciprocate with compassion and kindness. They're awesome. To make it better, for work Jessie travels around with a guy who dresses up as Darth Vader for fairs and parties and takes pictures of everything. My mind was blown.

I'm also not sleeping on the floor anymore. Justin (my brother in law) brought over the futon from Shannon's (our sister in law) house today. The room just looks cleaner and more homey. It feels good. I'm sitting on it right now, instead of my office chair and typing all of this on my little XO laptop. If you don't know what that is, google it. It's actually pretty awesome.

So tonight will be my second night of attending the Buddhist group. I'm looking forward to it. It's such a difficult thing for me to meditate on my own, and this group really helps me focus on staying still. Now I just need to get my mind under control.

And oh yeah, if you haven't checked out Pandora Radio, you really should.

Stepping Back

It's a humbling experience to separate from someone you love. It forces you to take a breath and re-evaluate what you do and who you are. It can get really scary if you struggle with a very basic question about your own existence. "Why?"

If you can't answer that question then all of a sudden everything becomes very dark and empty. There are two options at this point I believe. You either look for something to fill you up or you kill yourself.

Wow this blog got dark really quick.

Option A can be anything. There are a myriad of choices one can make both healthy and unhealthy. Option B...

As odd as it may sound coming from me, I've chosen to seek for meaning and release from a religion. I had always been interested in meditation and Buddhism as it seemed to be a very nonviolent way to conduct yourself in life, so I began to investigate it. I've found that it speaks to me in a very real way and it seems to offer a real hope for a release from the suffering that is the world.

The problem is, as with many religions, reading about it in a book and then extracting a life routine can be extremely difficult. How do I control and acknowledge my emotions without feeling them, but experiencing them in their fullest all at the same time? How do I relinquish control over everything around me and not subvert to fatalism in the end? What exactly is suffering in Buddhist eyes and how does enlightenment truly free me from egoistic pain?

I've joined a Buddhist group at the Unitarian church here and I've found it encouraging to be with other people who may be able to guide me in their ways. It will also be a great tool for helping me meditate, something that I have a lot of trouble with now. It's a very difficult concept for a man raised in Western Society to accept and embrace boredom.

Still, despite all the questions and struggles, its been a good Option A for me. Certainly the most positive I could come up with.

Shattered

It's hard to look at this blog and wonder, after so much time and so much change, how I can possibly pick up the pieces and go on. It seems so shallow to keep talking about entertainment culture now, and yet I don't need an outlet for which I can pour out my inner darkness. This isn't livejournal, and I have a Counselor.

I recently separated from my wife Erin. I moved out on the 3rd of June and have been living in housing meant for college students since then.

I'm really not sure what's going to happen with Erin and I. We have a plan for how we can re acclimate ourselves to each other and to our relationship over the coming months. The separation will last 4-6 months and we have been meeting with our respective Counselors individually and with all 4 of us. We have a plan in place. The scariest part is that I can't tell if Erin still wants me around at all. Some days I think she does, and others I don't think so at all. It's been difficult to know that I've wronged my wife in ways I never thought imaginable and just generally been a pretty poor husband.

So, here I sit. I thought for a moment that it might be interesting to violently change gears (ignoring the clutch altogether) and write about my new experiences living this new life I'm living now. I think that may be a bit too narrow and sad, so instead this may end up turning into a general thoughts kind of space. I hope that's ok with all 2 of you readers.

For right now, I think that's all that needs to be said.

I'm good at Rock Band

I had my mind blown on Sunday. I have rhythm.

Erin and I spent Easter with her whole family at her sister Shannon's house. Shannon has 3 boys who recieved Rock Band for Christmas. Now, I've always been slightly skeptical about rhythm games like this. I don't really care for rock music. I'm also not particularly dexterous or quick and my reaction time isn't what it needs to be in order to play these games successfully.

I was soon to be proven wrong.

I had always been pretty interested in the concept of the game. I mean, who wouldn't want to play a game like that with 3 other friends, cheering each other on and laughing at everyone's mistakes. There just seemed to be a lot of good cheer baked on into the game formula. Sure you can play it competitively, but you didn't have to. Straight away, the main reason I don't play games with others (I absolutely hate competition) vanishes. So I decided to pick it up and play with my 2 brother in laws.

It was fucking sweet. We weren't amazing but we certainly weren't bad. Granted we were playing on easy but except for Brent (Shannon's husband) we'd never played the game before. I started with the guitar and was really pleased with it. It far simpler than I had expected thanks to the games brilliant mapping of the notes. I had always been afraid that the notes you played on the instruments and the melody of the song wouldn't coincide very gracefully. I was totally wrong. It makes playing the songs feel very intuitive.

Then I tried the drums.

Holy crap. Much harder than the guitar, but not so hard I couldn't do it. So much fun though. Made me feel like I was actually playing an instrument. Just brilliant. If I had friends that came over to my house a lot I would actually consider dropping 180 dollars on the thing. It's that much fun.

Why are Goths so fucking Goth?

Case in point




I've been listening to this band for the past week or so now. It's really good music. Really good.

What does this band have to do with my question? Read these song lyrics.

Clap your hands you mother fuckers
Buy the record
Sing along
The moment that you dig this song I will become your newborn christ.

Clap your hands you mother fuckers
Buy the record
Sing along
I'm coming now, it won't be long before I am your antichrist.

The song is entitled Christ.

What the fuck does that even mean?

Now I'm not necessarily averse to inflammatory religious lyrics, but that just doesn't even make any sense. It's not the only instance on the disc either. There's all sorts of anti-Christianity contained therein, often accompanied by erotic imagery and implications.

Why? Why is it necessary?

:Wumpscut: is another case. He throws anti Jesus imagery and lyrics around like it's no tomorrow often to the songs detraction.

I admit the phenomenon is not as prevalent in the industrial music circuit, but being as industrial and goth music are akin to kissin' cousins it's still there.

So why the fuck are goths just so fucking satanic? What's the point? There's a darkness to life that doesn't need a Satan. We can all be emo, weird and dark without a physical manifestation of evil. And come on, if there is a such a manifestation, why are they all running to embrace it. Are they just so anxious to be different and "weird" that they'll latch on to anything the "mainstream" deems disgusting and abnormal?

I don't know. I just wish that some artists could divorce their Gothiness from their artistry because sometimes it just pulls them down.

Who wants to go see Seabound and Iris in Chicago with me? You know you do.

Also

Absolve me

Confessions time.  I have risen to a new height of nerd-dom.  I never really saw it coming, and I can say with assurance that the ascension brings with it a sense of pride.  I've finished the Silmarillion and I loved every minute of it.

I tried to read it years ago when I was still in high school and just couldn't do it.  I had just finished The Lord of the Rings and was looking for some more Middle Earth action.  I told my dad that I was going to give it a shot, and I remember him making this strange face.  A kind of "why would you do that to yourself?" look.  He had tried to read it when he was younger and just couldn't get into it.  I was soon to understand why.

It was wordy to be nigh incomprehensible.  Places and names constantly being fired at the reader.  It felt like Tolkien was using a sort of sink or swim methodology in his writing.  I didn't get far.  I was expecting a more coherent experience like from LotR or The Hobbit.  The timing just wasn't right.

About a year ago the Tolkien empire released the latest story entitled The Children of Hurin.  Erin and I picked it up, being huge fans of LotR (book and film series).  I was the one to read it first.  I found it a bit hard to follow, the writing being much like what I remember from The Silmarillion, but there was something engaging enough to keep me going.  Most importantly though, it proved to me that I could get over the hump of Tolkien's writing.

Last month I suddenly became very interested in reading/learning about the origins of Middle Earth and what is referred to as "The First Age."  I realized that one of the reasons Children of Hurin may have been so difficult to read was because I had no context about the world in which the tale took place.  What if I gave acquiring that context a shot?

So I did.

I was enthralled.  Yes it's difficult to follow.  Yes Tolkien throws out landmarks, cities and names like used Kleenex, but if you can just get past all that you ascend into a rich world filled with detail.  A truly epic completely fleshed out history of the world from it's inception to creation to rise to fall to rise again and so on.  I never imagined I would like it as much as I did.  I'm considering re-reading Children of Hurin to see what else I can get from that tale.

Yes, I am a huge nerd.  I guess I'm ok with that.



On a completely different note, I stumbled upon a series of youtube videos by a group called Lasagna Cat.  I'm not going to explain it, because the revelation is part of the joy, so just watch the video below and if you want more then all I can say is "Google is your friend."

Final moments

I've been thinking about endings lately.  Actually, this gem of a thread over at NeoGaf got me thinking about them.  To sum up, the poster lambasts the Cohen Brothers for an abrupt ending to their film.  If you haven't seen the film (which, if this is the case you should run to the theater immediately) the situation is comporable to the Director's Cut of Blade Runner.  Ambiguity left up to the interpretation of the audience.  Use this as a refrence if needed.

Now I, along with many other film snobs, prefer Blade Runner's Director's Cut as the film allows us to draw our own conclusions about the story and themes of the film.  At it's base it forces us to think analytically about the film and even encourages us to view the film again to flesh out whatever thoughts we have.  

Before I get too far, I suppose that I must say that there is something to be said for the original cut of Blade Runner along with every other film which spells out it's themes and narriative as bluntly as possible.  This is the form of cinema which allows us to just sit back and enjoy a good distraction.  Sometimes we just want to shut off the brain and be entertained.  The problem with films like this is that they don't have much persistance.  They don't generally have any kind of lasting impact on our thoughts.  Sure I loved watching John McClain blow the shit out of the bad guys in Die Hard, but I didn't find myself thinking differently about the world or any statements the film may have had embedded within it.  

One of my favorite endings of all time is in the film Children of Men.  Not only was it a fantastic "what if" look at a society without children, but the ending said everything it needed to say with 3 words and some sound effects.  The movie follows Theo as he attempts to get the only pregnant woman in the world to safety.  In the end he dies having sucessfully protected the woman and delivering her to an organization which will protect her.  Upon his death the screen goes dark, the film title is displayed across the screen and we hear a child laughing.  The sound grows as more and more children begin to laugh until it becomes a cacophany of sound which ends abruptly.  Roll credits.  

What's so awesome about that ending is that it takes some thought to decipher.  I recall hearing groans of disappointment when I saw the film in the theaters.  Even my wife didn't really understand it until I shared my thoughts with her.  The story which ended when Theo died.  We are then given the happiest ending we can get from the wholly dystopian world in the film.  One child laughing happily joined by other children and then more children signifying the repopulation of the human race.  That was it.  That was all we as an audience needed to know.

No Country for Old Men is very similar, though I believe it may be more pregnant with meaning than Children of Men.  Most importantly it made me think.  It made me think of how the world of the film would continue after the credits had ended.  It made me think of why the Cohen Brothers and, initially, Cormac McCarthy chose to end their story in such a way and what I as an audience member should glean from that choice.  

The best forms of art are the forms that make us think and question.  Endings are so important because its the final experience of that art.  It's the most prominant and lasting thing we experience in art.  It's why I prefer endings presented in the forms of questions.  Ending that make me wonder at its own purpose, and in that wonder bring me back into the world of film and remember and question things from it's main body.

Now go watch No Country for Old Men.  And go read Cormac McCarthy.

Manliness

This movie:

sucks.

Often referenced in pop culture and heralded by men both young and old Highlander was a movie I had yet to absorb into my ever growing film consciousness. Last night, that all changed. I wish that it hadn't.

Holy shit people what good is there to see in this film. The story is utter trash. My wife (who watched it with me) insists that the plot could have been good and probably should have been told in a book. I politely disagree, but whatever. The editing was starting to give me a headache by the end of the movie, snapping me viciously back and forth through time from one nonsensical scene to the next. It is my theory that the movie is constructed solely from separately written scenes rather than a fully planned out story.

And the fight scenes? Come on. I haven't seen such low energy fight scenes since...well I'm pretty sure I've seen better ones in movies lampooned by the MST3K crew. Lame.

Also, Christopher Lambert is the worst actor ever. I'm not even familiar with his other work and because I'm acting all pissy I'm not going to look it up, easy as that may be. He has one facial expression through the whole movie.

The music by Queen made me burst into laughter whenever it played. It wasn't bad music necessarily, but it was just so out of place.

I feel like I've been lied to by everyone who's ever talked about this film. I know it was supposed to be kind of bad, but I could find nothing redeemable.

/rant

Mike,

Stop being a fucking trouble maker you little minx.


Love,
Meraud

P.S.
I hyper linked the image just to make you mad.

Curses!

I'm being forced to update this blog on my wife's accursed iBook. It is without a doubt the shittiest computer I have ever used. Ever. My power supply on my comp blew out last week, and we don't have the money in the budget to buy a new one right now. I'm bummed, but I'll make due I suppose.

I've had some ideas for stories and plot devices burning around in my head recently. Actually, I usually have something going on up there, but lately I've started to feel like I want to start writing it all down. I know that I pretty much never will unless I'm acted upon by some outside force (I'm the embodiment of newtonian physics if you didn't know) so I'm giving some thought to joining a creative writing class this summer. Something to shake me up a bit I guess. I think it would be good for me.

I've been watching some documentaries on Philip K. Dick thanks to my awesome Blade Runner birthday present, and it's made me start thinking about the stuff I've got going on up in my own attic. Apparently he would let ideas perculate in his mind until things reached critical mass, whereupon he would just start writing everything down. It makes me wonder if this methodology would work well for me.

The funny thing is, I've had this idea about collaborating with Andrew on some new RPG book or something like that. My wife has always pushed this idea for me, and I always liked it even if it seemed quite impractical.

On a semi related note, everyone reading this who has some semblance of a heart or soul needs to read this.

It is without a doubt one of the most brilliantly moving pieces of literature I have ever read. I'm not sure that I can really explain its power without cheapening anything for a potential reader. I guess a good way to put it would be that it is one of the saddest and most emotional post apocalyptic stories I've encountered. It's beautiful.


Lastly, I love Imogen Heap. That is all.