Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Manliness

This movie:


sucks.

Often referenced in pop culture and heralded by men both young and old Highlander was a movie I had yet to absorb into my ever growing film consciousness. Last night, that all changed. I wish that it hadn't.

Holy shit people what good is there to see in this film. The story is utter trash. My wife (who watched it with me) insists that the plot could have been good and probably should have been told in a book. I politely disagree, but whatever. The editing was starting to give me a headache by the end of the movie, snapping me viciously back and forth through time from one nonsensical scene to the next. It is my theory that the movie is constructed solely from separately written scenes rather than a fully planned out story.

And the fight scenes? Come on. I haven't seen such low energy fight scenes since...well I'm pretty sure I've seen better ones in movies lampooned by the MST3K crew. Lame.

Also, Christopher Lambert is the worst actor ever. I'm not even familiar with his other work and because I'm acting all pissy I'm not going to look it up, easy as that may be. He has one facial expression through the whole movie.

The music by Queen made me burst into laughter whenever it played. It wasn't bad music necessarily, but it was just so out of place.

I feel like I've been lied to by everyone who's ever talked about this film. I know it was supposed to be kind of bad, but I could find nothing redeemable.

/rant

11 comments:

Dr-Rotwang said...

...

...

Wait, Phil, I thought you --

...

...

WHAT?!

Meraud said...

It's true...the movie blows big hangy donkey balls.

Mike said...

"I have an idea, let's have the French guy play the Scottish guy and the Scottish guy play the Spanish guy!" - quote stolen from someone somewhere at some point in time.

It's about time you posted something I agree with... It's bad enough this movie sucks, but the franchise it unleashed... *shudder*

Dr-Rotwang said...

I can't get down with this "Highlander sucks" thing. That movie is awesome.

Now. Note: I said "awesome". Not "good", not "quality", not "admirable". I said "awesome". It's guys who are never gonna die, who fight each other to steal each other's immortality, so they can finally stop outliving the people they love.

In New York City.

In 1986.

With motherfucking SWORDS.

The film could've been made better; oh yes. Russ Mulcahy's edits were badass back then, and I think some of 'em still stand up today. The casting is way off, except for Clancy Brown, who cannot be miscast in anything. Not a Queen fan, I, but there you go.

But seriously, dudes, c'mon.

SWORDFIGHT IN THE PARKING GARAGE.

AWESOME!

Meraud said...

See, maybe I could get on board with the whole potentiality thing...it does sound like a cool premise when you put it that way...sort of.

But come on each fight scene is so poorly choreagraphed that I found myself thinking about how old the actors were and how poorly trained they were.

Even the "giant" fight scene where they guy is first killed way back in yesteryear...if you look closely at the action going on around him you can literaly see actors standing around wondering what to do. You can see the confusion on their faces. That's what I call good direction.

Sorry R. but this movie is terrible.

Mike said...

"In New York City.

In 1986.

With motherfucking SWORDS."

By that logic, Masters of the Universe starring Dolph Lundgren is awesome.

It's not.

Meraud said...

I don't normally do this but...


pwnd

Mike said...

Now that I think about it, I think Masters of the Universe was actually a better movie than Highlander. Better editing, better fight scenes, better special effects, I don't even remember the soundtrack, so that's a plus...

Dr-Rotwang said...

Did I mention I was 15 when I saw it?

Meraud said...

then you are absolved


sort of... :)

Mike said...

DOLPH

FUCKING

LUNDGREN