Tuesday, December 11, 2007

sin waves

I lied to you Andrew. I'm sorry.

It's funny to think about the things that helped me define my personality in the past, especially when comparing them to the present.

I love music. I'm not sure I love it quite as much as I used to. Maybe that's not true. I just don't spend as much money on it anymore. The strange thing is that music used to be the defining point of my character in my later teens. In fact, at one point I was referred to as Rammstein Phil, something I'm not really proud of.

My entire wardrobe consisted of either black kahkis or black pants procured from Hot Topic (Gothic!), various band shirts (Rammstein, Front Line Assembly, Wumpscut Funkervogt), and a SWAT team vest that I bought from a local army surplus store. And, of course, combat boots. Gotta have the combat boots. I was fucking hardcore.

Music was my life. It was where all of my money went. CD's, clothing, clubs, concerts. One of my favorite things to do was to drive to Columbus (45 minute drive) just to go to a record shop (Magnolia Thunderpussy). Sometimes I would walk around town and go to other shops, but often I would buy whatever I wanted and turn right around and come home. This was the extent to which I would go to pick up records. I miss that place so much...

Bringing myself current, I don't really do that stuff anymore. Or at least not as much. I still have a favorite music store (Vibes in Castleton). My dress has also calmed down quite a bit in the past years. The band shirts were the first things to go, followed by all of the pseudo goth Hot Topic clothing. Jeans, a pant style I swore would never touch the skin of my body, have now made themselves into regular rotation, and my shirts have become more colorful than I could have imagined.

I still listen to music just as much as I used to, I just spend less money and time on it. I also identify with it less on an outward scale. I suppose it would be better to say that I don't use it to identify me anymore. I'm not sad that the change, though it does make me quite nostolgic and dewy eyed to think about sometimes. In the end, I'm glad it happened. I used to go to Goth clubs all the time in high school. My group of friends were some of the younger groups there. That was ok.

The old people just came across as sad. Like these guys.

I'm so glad I didn't end up like them.